Tag Archives: Humor

Just Jot It January/One-Liner Wednesday – Day 23

Standard

Just Jot It January/One-Liner Wednesday – Day 23

#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 23rd, and One-Liner Wednesday

***

Today’s Jot can be anything, and can be combined with the One-Liner Wednesday challenge. Thanks, Linda!

***

Word Crimes

e Right to Remain Silent

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

Tough Sentencing

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.

***

“Word Crimes”, by Weird Al Yankovic, was released from the album, “Mandatory Fun”, in 2013. It was written by, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Pharrell Williams, Robin Thicke, Clifford Harris Jr., and Marvin Gaye. It is on the RCA label.

***

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2019 BS

 

 

Just Jot It January – Inch – Day 17

Standard

Just Jot It January – Inch – Day 17

#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 17th

***

Your prompt for JusJoJan 2019, January 17th is brought to you by John Holton! Click here to find his last post and say hi while you’re there! John’s word for our prompt today is “inch.” Use it anywhere in your post or make it the theme of your post. Have fun!

***

Today’s Jot prompt word is …inch. Thanks, John!

***

For the last 2 or 3 years there was a Crayola color challenge that I participated in. This year they didn’t have it, though. Here’s a couple of representations of the color crayon called ‘inchworm’.

I drew this

inchworm

I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen an actual inchworm. I guess they are light green. Are they an inch long, or when they scoot along, is it an inch per scoot? Has anyone actually measured the worm, or it’s scooting length? (sorry…I’m laughing out loud here…can’t stop!) 😂

Wait a minute…I’m gonna google a photo of an inchworm…maybe I will calm down after that. 😂

**intermission**

***

Inchworm, Smile, Worm, Papillon

***

That’s about all I can find for now. Guess I’ll scoot along now, too, and wish you a heaping measure of fun on this Thursday.

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2019 BS

Oops! – One Liner Wednesday & Just Jot It January

Standard

Oops! – One Liner Wednesday & Just Jot It January

#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 16th, and One-Liner Wednesday

***

This was the page on the calendar we have today.

 

Have you had one of those Oops! moments when working on your computer? I know I have.

Right after I push the wrong button, there’s a second that I freeze. Oh no! What have I done?

Then there is the scramble to get it back, by trying all kinds of little tricks and trials.

Sometimes it’s gone forever, and you just have to start over.

Here’s another kind of Oops!

A broken egg yolk this morning. But, hey…they were going to be scrambled anyway. Just a minute, though…this was a double yolk egg. It happens sometimes, too. Some say it’s good luck to find a double yolk egg.

If so, I wish you all good luck in all your computer dealings today! 🙂

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2019 BS

 

Christmas Chaos

Standard

Christmas Chaos

***

Here it is again, my re-posting of a poem I wrote back in 2006. If you’ve seen it before, wonderful! If it is new to you, hope you enjoy the humor in this one! 🙂

Funny reindeer on a bench at the mall

 

***

CHRISTMAS CHAOS

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house

The paper was flying, the place was a mess.

Where’s the ribbon, where’s a box, where’s the tape, I don’t know –

And outside the window, it’s beginning to snow.

When I in my flurry, was running around, remembered “Oh-no, I have to go back to town!”

I have to mail packages, to those far away. How long will it take – a week or three days?

There’s munchies to buy, and a dinner to plan…and what, oh what, can I get for the “man”?

The pets all need feeding, and what could be more? The neighbors are here, with a knock at the door.

They come bringing cheese balls, and cookies galore.

I say thank you, then usher them out. Then I turn around and say with a shout, “I have to make gifts for those on our street!”

But, I’m about to collapse from the heat.

Get up and go, let’s do the day right. Put on some music, and candles to light.

A box of cards, my cup of coffee…should I eat that last piece of toffee?

Christmas ideas are really quite lofty, and really, at heart, I’m such a softie.

I’ll wrap a few gifts, then do some leg lifts; look at the snow – it’s now making drifts.

Put lots of presents in pretty paper, and think up some clues, for a Christmas caper.

Pull on some mittens, put on a scarf. If I hear one more carol, I’m going to barf.

I jump in the truck to go do my shopping; the stores are all crowded…the places are hopping.

On Target, and K-Mart, and Hastings, and Penny’s…Now United and Wal-Mart – can we stop at a Denny’s?

No – get it done – there’s no time to waste…I need to get home…hurry, hurry, make haste.

And then to the wondering eyes of those there, I manage to put some dye on my hair.

Some coffee, some milk, is all that I ask…to put my feet up, before my next task.

To watch my soap opera, would be a nice break. I think I’ll do that, and also eat cake.

I just settled down, and there goes the phone; I, of course don’t answer, I pretend I’m not home.

And now it’s time to do some more wrapping. We’ll put on some music – our feet will be tapping.

Merry Christmas to one, Merry Christmas to all…What’s that you say? Another trip to the mall?

I don’t think I want to…I don’t think I can…but, wait, I still need a gift for the ‘man’.

We must keep it even, we must keep it straight…I need another gift for my mate.

What shall it be, something big, or much smaller? As I walk the halls of the mall, I do holler.

I need to find a gift that is right – before I call it quits for the night.

So, I go to the mall, and the stores…and stand in long lines, before I get out the doors.

The aisles are all crowded, the cart’s in a jam…say “Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, Ma’am.”

At first, we’re polite, when we go to town, but as frustration mounts, we’ll mow you down.

When there’s only one more shopping day…you better move fast, get outta my way.

Can’t find the right size, can’t find the right gift, then stop by the Starbucks to get a lift.

Give me caffeine right now, I say, got to get on with this frantic day.

Have a nice day, be jolly, be merry…if I hear it again, I’ll commit hara-kiri. It’s my ‘pleasure’ to serve you,

Uh-huh, yeah right…you probably make faces, as I pull out of sight.

Finally, finally get back home, where I just want to sit and moan.

My feet hurt, my back hurts, my nerves are all jangled…and how do you wrap a box that’s tri-angled?

Back at home, I start wrapping, all the critters are napping…

The oven is cooking the breads, how merry, but now I need another cranberry.

Merry Christmas to me…let’s trim the tree…and now the cats are OOC (out of control)

Happy to make your Christmas surprise, waiting for the bread to rise.

Christmas morning comes awfully early; no wonder everyone is so surly.

Buying spending – oh, what fun…we’ll all be glad when shopping is done.

The stockings are ready to hold all the goodies – maybe some candy or nice warm hoodies.

Light candles, fill stockings, with striped candy canes. Look out the window, hope it won’t rain.

Sweep the floor, wash the dishes, deck the halls with Christmas wishes.

There’s potatoes to mash, and take out the trash…as for me, I think I’m about to crash.

Finally, everything looks really pretty, Charlie (the tree) is ready, and still little bitty.

Now, take a picture, and go to our beds. I hope no one forgot to take their meds.

When morning comes, we’ll all get to say…we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Then, I look in the living-room, and what do I see? One of the cats is eating the tree. I holler and yell, but then, what does it

matter…I’ll just have to clean up the mess later.

She enjoys Christmas her way…I prefer mine…

So Merry Christmas to all…from our family to thine.

Just one more thing I’d like to say – Happy Holidays to all and Have a Wonderful Day!

***

img_4613

First written on December 20, 2006

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 BS

3 – 2 – 1 Quote Me – Cinderella Today

Standard

3 – 2 – 1 Quote Me – Cinderella Today

***

I was tagged to do the 321 quote me Cinderella Today edition by Suze. Thanks for thinking of me, as these are fun to do.

You can also go see Rory’s blog for all the details. Thanks for having interesting challenges for us.

 

***

Now, I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to do with this…Cinderella Today prompt.

Here’s a cute clip from the animated movie of Cinderella, and a couple of quotes from it.

 

It can do magic – believe it or not  ~ Fairy Godmother

The thing-a-ma-bob that does the job is bibbidi-bobbidi-boo ~ Fairy Godmother

***

***

Now, to bring it up to date…

~

Scene: Bedroom

Cyndi: (crying & ranting) “Those step-sisters of mine are bullies! They make fun of me, and order me around. They’re not the boss of me! I’m calling CPS”

Suddenly a bright orb floats in through the open window.

Cyndi: What the @!*#?

Orb (turning into Ru Paul): “I’m your fairy god-mother. Girl, stop being a snowflake. Put your big girl britches on, because I’m sending you to a fancy dance. You’ll dance with the stars, and win the mirror ball with the Prince.”

Cyndi: I don’t have anything good to wear to a fancy dance.

FG-M: “Where’s your phone? It’s magic, you know.” (takes the phone from Cyndi, and taps in a website address) “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo … here ya go…Amazon! Order whatever you want.” (In this tale, shipping takes only seconds)

Cyndi: (putting on gorgeous ball gown) I love it! Thank you Fairy God-Mother!

FG-M: Now, Shante, Shashay away. (floats out the window)

Cyndi: Turns on her laptop, finds the little blue bird, and starts Tweeting to all her friends. Takes a selfie with her dress, sends it to Instagram, because you know if there’s no picture, it didn’t happen.

***

As for tagging someone else, I don’t know who really likes to do these that haven’t already done this one, so if you’d like to play along, consider yourself tagged. 🙂

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2018 BS

Shopping – One Liner Wednesday

Standard

Shopping – One Liner Wednesday Click to view

One-Liner Wednesday – #writerslife

***

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

—David Letterman

***

Christmas tree image provided free by https://classroomclipart.com/

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2018 BS

2 Christmas Books

Standard

2 Christmas Books

***

There are 2 books that I just have to read and have re-read every Christmas season. I dig them out of the far corners of my bookshelf, and can’t wait to start reading them again. I mean, it’s been a whole year since I last read them. I haven’t gotten tired of them, even though I know what they are all about.

Here are the 2 books. They are both a lot of fun to read. Both of them are laugh out loud funny, too.

First is, “Skipping Christmas”, by John Grisham.

It has also been made into a very good movie, which I’ve seen, starring Jamie Lee Curtis, and Tim Allen. You may have seen the movie, “Christmas With the Kranks”, which follows the book very well, but as with all books made into movies, there’s extra fun in reading the original books.

 

The next one is, “An Idiot Girl’s Christmas”, by Laurie Notaro. She’s one of my favorite authors, as I’ve read all her books, and this one is just as good. She writes short essays of her true life adventures, and they most all have a humorous take on her life. This one is all about the funny things that happen at Christmas time.

***

Anyway, just thought I’d share a couple of fun reads with you, for when you have a little time to settle in with some laughs. 🙂

***

~also posted for NanoPoblano2018

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2018 BS

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge – Funny

Standard

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge – Funny CFFC

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Funny

This week the topic is any kind of Funny photos, or things that made you smile or laugh.

***

  • Baby Cricket
  • Dressed as a taco & burrito
  • Smiley face bush
  • Snail trail Elvis
  • Watermelon shark
  • Posing Praying Mantis

        

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2018 BS

20 Odd Questions – Wrong Answers

Standard

20 Odd Questions – Wrong Answers

***

As always, I’m late to the party, but I saw these funny questions recently, and wanted to answer them.

I saw them first on Melanie’s blog, and they started out on Rory’s blog. The links are below:

It’s Just Plain … Silly!

https://sparksfromacombustiblemind.com/2018/11/14/20ish-questions/

***

Rules

‘It’s Just Plain….”

Ten questions for you to answer in the silliest way possible without giving the right answer!

You know me, l love quacky and wacky!

Don’t answer the questions the right way!

Nominate one blogger to answer the questions, but before you do, create 2 new questions of your own to replace 2 existing questions.

“It’s Just Plain …” created by  A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip! a pingback is always welcome but it also means l don’t miss out on the silliness either!

***

Keep in mind, these questions are all in fun, and are supposed to be answered wrong, or at least funny!

***

 

  • How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? 

Because many moons ago remote controls didn’t exist, so now we believe them to be a magic wand. Plus the static electricity generated from our fingers sometimes will jump start the ‘troller’s’ batteries, you know…like magic!

 

  • If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? 

Because there is nothing really that rhymes with the word ‘orange’, so the poor downtrodden color gets it’s only fame from being the only designated color & name of the lovely citrus fruit…called Orange.

 

  • Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?  

Because the radio DJ might mention a number on the countdown of popular songs, or you might hear the song “867-5309 Jenny”, and confuse it with the address you’re looking for. It could totally happen! So…turn down that volume, okay?

 

  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?  

This is a trick question. Lemons squeeze out ‘real’ lemon juice.

 

  • Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?  

Because the universe is wack-o. And back to the lemons…lemon juice will lighten your hair, too. Will coffee slathered on your skin make it darker? I think not.

 

  • Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?  

Babies are like little birds, always cheeping for their food. And that reminds me…someone might say of someone that they don’t eat much, so they eat like a bird…well, birds are ravenous and will eat constantly. They empty our bird feeder in a matter of minutes.

 

  • Why isn’t 11 pronounced “onety-one”?  

Because whoever invented language thought it sounded funny, and they were stick in the muds, who didn’t want anyone to giggle at funny words.

 

  • What disease did cured ham actually have? 

The disease of not being actually cooked. Cured, smoked, made into jerky…it’s all the same…raw meat.

 

  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 

Electricity comes from the sky as lightning. You ever seen an electrical storm in the sky? Freaky beautiful! You’d be a moron if you stood out in the middle of lightning, especially with a golf club pointing to the sky.

 

  • What is something that everyone looks stupid doing?  

Chewing chewing chewing

 

  • What would your autobiography be called?

“Slowly I turned…step by step…inch by inch…Boo!”

 

  • Which animal would be the King/Queen/President (other gender-neutral terms are available and can be used, here) when (yes, I said when, the AI’s won’t be taking over, animals will) the animal kingdom rise up and take over?  

Never mind the animals, birds, and insects…watch out for the plants! Can anyone say Triffids and Audrey II. The Venus Flytrap is a known specimen from another planet. You may think of them as innocent little fly eaters, but just you wait! “Feed me, Seymour!”

 

  • You’re on death row for a crime of your choice, what did you do, why did you do it, and what would your last meal be and why?

I would have been falsely accused, but I’d demand all my favorite Mexican foods. That way I could gas them before they could gas me.

  •  
  • If your pet/child or the fly that lives in your bedroom if you have neither, had to give you a reference for your dream job, what would they say and do you think you’d get the job?  

My cat Cricket would say hire her for outer space exploration, because she’s already an alien, and waaayyy out there.

 

  • A penguin walks through the door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?  

He’s here because I always take in homeless animals, and dress them in funny costumes. He sings, ” Gimme the beat, boys, and free my soul…I wanna get lost in your rock ‘n roll, and drift away.”

 

  • How would you sell hot chocolate (cocoa) in the hottest country in the world? 

Skipping this question

 

  • If you were a pizza delivery person, how would you benefit from the use of scissors? 

Pizza delivery persons depend on tips from the customers, so they tell the customers they will cut up their ticket price in half, and then the customer will give them a bigger tip of money for themselves.

 

  • If you could have a machine that produced £100 for life, how much would you be willing to pay for it? 

Nothing…if all I got was $100 to last a lifetime. Wouldn’t be worth it. And, besides…whoever invented this machine wouldn’t want to part with it if it really worked, so I’m sure I wouldn’t be cut in on the deal.

 

  • If you could have dinner with three people alive or dead, who would you pick and why?

Skipping this question

***

Now, two silly questions from me…

Why do they call it ‘sun bathing’ when you don’t get wet?

What can you hold in your right hand that you can’t hold in your left hand?

***

Breaking the rules…breaking the rules…not nominating anyone this time…just go for it if you want to.

And…that’s all for now…hope you had as much fun reading these as I had answering them. 🙂

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2018 BS

 


 

What Was That Again? – One Liner Wednesday

Standard

What Was That Again? – One Liner Wednesday

One-Liner Wednesday – An Autumn Goodbye

***

Here’s some more things I’ve heard wrong that makes me go, huh?

McDonald’s Breakfast Booties … I have no idea what these are (said by a local news person)

Jesus snacks are my favorite … Nope, it’s Cheez-Its snacks (TV ad)

and my phone texted this wrong … I texted ‘glad he liked it’ (my grand-son’s birthday present)

but my phone put … “Government lied it” … hmmm really?

***

Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2018 BS