Tag Archives: Funny

Christmas Chaos

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Christmas Chaos

Here it is again, my re-posting of a poem I wrote back in 2006. If you’ve seen it before, wonderful! If it is new to you, hope you enjoy the humor in this one! 🙂

Red Letter Box for Letters to Santa

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CHRISTMAS CHAOS

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house

The paper was flying, the place was a mess.

Where’s the ribbon, where’s a box, where’s the tape, I don’t know –

And outside the window, it’s beginning to snow.

When I in my flurry, was running around, remembered “Oh-no, I have to go back to town!”

I have to mail packages, to those far away. How long will it take – a week or three days?

There’s munchies to buy, and a dinner to plan…and what, oh what, can I get for the “man”?

The pets all need feeding, and what could be more? The neighbors are here, with a knock at the door.

They come bringing cheese balls, and cookies galore.

I say thank you, then usher them out. Then I turn around and say with a shout, “I have to make gifts for those on our street!”

But, I’m about to collapse from the heat.

Get up and go, let’s do the day right. Put on some music, and candles to light.

A box of cards, my cup of coffee…should I eat that last piece of toffee?

Christmas ideas are really quite lofty, and really, at heart, I’m such a softie.

I’ll wrap a few gifts, then do some leg lifts; look at the snow – it’s now making drifts.

Put lots of presents in pretty paper, and think up some clues, for a Christmas caper.

Pull on some mittens, put on a scarf. If I hear one more carol, I’m going to barf.

I jump in the truck to go do my shopping; the stores are all crowded…the places are hopping.

On Target, and K-Mart, and Hastings, and Penny’s…Now United and Wal-Mart – can we stop at a Denny’s?

No – get it done – there’s no time to waste…I need to get home…hurry, hurry, make haste.

And then to the wondering eyes of those there, I manage to put some dye on my hair.

Some coffee, some milk, is all that I ask…to put my feet up, before my next task.

To watch my soap opera, would be a nice break. I think I’ll do that, and also eat cake.

I just settled down, and there goes the phone; I, of course don’t answer, I pretend I’m not home.

And now it’s time to do some more wrapping. We’ll put on some music – our feet will be tapping.

Merry Christmas to one, Merry Christmas to all…What’s that you say? Another trip to the mall?

I don’t think I want to…I don’t think I can…but, wait, I still need a gift for the ‘man’.

We must keep it even, we must keep it straight…I need another gift for my mate.

What shall it be, something big, or much smaller? As I walk the halls of the mall, I do holler.

I need to find a gift that is right – before I call it quits for the night.

So, I go to the mall, and the stores…and stand in long lines, before I get out the doors.

The aisles are all crowded, the cart’s in a jam…say “Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, Ma’am.”

At first, we’re polite, when we go to town, but as frustration mounts, we’ll mow you down.

When there’s only one more shopping day…you better move fast, get outta my way.

Can’t find the right size, can’t find the right gift, then stop by the Starbucks to get a lift.

Give me caffeine right now, I say, got to get on with this frantic day.

Have a nice day, be jolly, be merry…if I hear it again, I’ll commit hara-kiri. It’s my ‘pleasure’ to serve you,

Uh-huh, yeah right…you probably make faces, as I pull out of sight.

Finally, finally get back home, where I just want to sit and moan.

My feet hurt, my back hurts, my nerves are all jangled…and how do you wrap a box that’s tri-angled?

Back at home, I start wrapping, all the critters are napping…

The oven is cooking the breads, how merry, but now I need another cranberry.

Merry Christmas to me…let’s trim the tree…and now the cats are OOC (out of control)

Happy to make your Christmas surprise, waiting for the bread to rise.

Christmas morning comes awfully early; no wonder everyone is so surly.

Buying spending – oh, what fun…we’ll all be glad when shopping is done.

The stockings are ready to hold all the goodies – maybe some candy or nice warm hoodies.

Light candles, fill stockings, with striped candy canes. Look out the window, hope it won’t rain.

Sweep the floor, wash the dishes, deck the halls with Christmas wishes.

There’s potatoes to mash, and take out the trash…as for me, I think I’m about to crash.

Finally, everything looks really pretty, Charlie (the tree) is ready, and still little bitty.

Now, take a picture, and go to our beds. I hope no one forgot to take their meds.

When morning comes, we’ll all get to say…we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Then, I look in the living-room, and what do I see? One of the cats is eating the tree. I holler and yell, but then, what does it

matter…I’ll just have to clean up the mess later.

She enjoys Christmas her way…I prefer mine…

So Merry Christmas to all…from our family to thine.

Just one more thing I’d like to say – Happy Holidays to all and Have a Wonderful Day!

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Coloring Book Page – brown squirrel on top of red & green package & wearing Santa hat

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First written on December 20, 2006

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2202 BS

Calendar Funnies – One Liner Wednesday

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Calendar Funnies – One Liner Wednesday

One-Liner Wednesday – Torture (without pain)

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What is a circuit board’s favorite snack?  … Computer Chips

Have you heard about the new broom?  … It’s sweeping the nation

I feel like I’m in Season 5 of my life and the writers are just making ridiculous stuff happen to keep things interesting

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS

Fibbing Friday -By the Numbers

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Fibbing Friday – By the Numbers

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This weekly challenge presents some questions that we are to give wrong answer to. It’s all in fun.

To join in this weekly challenge, and see other entries, just click the link below:

https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2020/10/23/fibbing-friday-23rd-october/

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1. What is a pince nez?  … Pince Nez was an ancient Egyptian prince who founded the practice of Zen meditation.

2. Who had the original telephone number Whitehall 1212? … The Pigeon Fanciers Organization first established this number. Click to view

3. Who reportedly lived at 221B Baker Street? … I believe that would have been Tammy Faye Baker and her husband Jim.

4. What happened in Pudding Lane in 1666? … An ice cream truck gave out free pudding pops to young and old, therefore the street was named for this. Click to view

5. Who resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? … I’ve heard that there are a bunch of clowns that took over this resident some time ago. Click to view

6. What happened on the 8th August 1963? … The heat wave of 1963 began on this date. 100 degree temperatures lasted up until December.

7. Who lost their head on 16th October 1793? … That girl in the movie whose head kept spinning around until it was completely unscrewed.

8. What was in operation between April 3 1860 and October 24 1861 but failed due to bankruptcy? … Any store that tried to conduct business on a jinx corner. Every town has one, and every business sooner or later fails.

9. What is the significance of The Golden Hind? … This, by proclamation, rules that any dog born with a blonde back leg, shall be awarded 50 gold pieces.

10. Who was Spencer Perceval?  … He was the guy who invented the catalog called ‘Spencer’s Gifts’, that has thousands of silly products you can order.

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS

One Liner Wednesday – Calendar Funnies

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One Liner Wednesday – Calendar Funnies 

One-Liner Wednesday – The Lasting Consequences of Sign Language

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Boobytrap backwards is partyboob

I didn’t mean to push all your buttons. I’m just looking for mute. (a hand holding a remote control)

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS

Fibbing Friday – Have You Heard

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Fibbing Friday – Have You Heard

These are fun questions we’re supposed to answer in any kind of silly, wrong, or outrageous ways. Just for fun!

Find out more at the link found below.

https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2020/09/11/fibbing-friday-11th-september/

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‘She had the biggest aspidistra in the world.’ But what is an aspidistra? … She won the Guinness Records for having the largest collection of apps on her computer and phone!

2. What is the main ingredient in Beef Wellington? … ummmm a bunch of well-fed cows?

3. Who was Tufty? … Tufty was a cartoon character used to promote a dish washing scrubber.

4. What is a Port Folio?  … This is where all the sailors gather after a sea journey to tell tall tales about their adventures. I believe lots of grog is involved.

5. What is a bootee?  … Oh, this is a fun tee shirt you wear at Halloween! It’s black & orange with a ghost and the word BOO!

6. What is meant by ‘You have been tangoed’?  … This means someone has played a banjo under your window.

7. What is a blue bottle? … Last I heard it referred to the insect known as a large blue fly.

8. How do you make shortbread? … You make shortbread just like regular bread, only use a smaller baking pan.

9. What colour is cotton candy? … Cotton candy is one of those magical sweets that when eaten becomes whatever flavor and color you desire.

10. What are cowslips and snap dragons?  … Well, cowslips are mishaps when the livestock slips and falls in the mud. Snap dragons are only used as a design in tattoos. In fact they are holograms on your skin depicting dragons who snap at passers-by.

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS

Last Photo for August

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Last Photo for August

Last photo for August 2020

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The rules are simple:
1. Post the last photo on your SD card or last photo on your phone for August.
2. No editing – who cares if it is out of focus, not framed as you would like or the subject matter didn’t cooperate.
3. You don’t have to have any explanations, just the photo will do
4. Create a Pingback to this post or link in the comments
5. Tag “The Last Photo”

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS

Calendar Funnies – One Liner Wednesday

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Calendar Funnies – One Liner Wednesday 

One-Liner Wednesday, July 29th – I’ll take that

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Calendar Funnies:

“Today’s good mood is sponsored by Coffee!”

“I don’t buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off!”

“What kind of room can’t you enter? A mushroom!

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS

 

Fibbing Friday – Bogus Books

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Fibbing Friday – Bogus Books

These are fun questions we’re supposed to answer in any kind of silly, wrong, or outrageous ways. Just for fun!

Find out more at the link found below.

https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2020/07/17/fibbing-friday-17th-july/

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This is a bit different Fibbing Friday.

Di, our hostess this week says:

Below are 10 titles and authors, all of which are fictitious, so fibs to start with
This week I’m asking you to do a cover blurb in a few sentences …

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And here we go … 🙂

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The Missing Tent by Seymour Skye … You’ll gasp in wonder at this true tale of camping misadventures. The author and his family, out for a fun weekend in the Piney Woods of East Texas, have a close encounter when a UFO sucks up their tent and flies away with it.

2. Making the Most of Bread by Roland Pickles  … Autobiography by founding member of the rock band, Bread. He recounts the trials and tribulations of performing and touring the country with his band members. You will go behind the scenes with promoters, roadies, fans, and groupies they meet along the way. Photos included.

3. Living on a Budget by M T Wallit  … This self help book details the ins and outs of making the most of living within a budget. Testimonies of ten families who cracked the budget conundrum that plagues the middle class working population. Charts included.

4. Wake me at Dawn by Misty Mawning  … Confessions of a former Vampiress, Misty Mawning tells her tale of dark cult possession, and how she escaped into the light. ** caution** not suitable for children.

5. Sing me a Lullaby by Muse Ickles  … You will sing along with these original songs for children of all ages. From soft and tender lullabies, to fun, toe tapping jingles, this songbook includes musical notations for piano and guitar, lyrics, and a double CD. Don’t miss out on this one.

6. Caught in the Act by Robin Banks … A hilarious romp about a gang of three adorable cats who wander the back alleys of New Orleans finest restaurants looking for a handout.

7. The Pensioner Chronicles by Jerry Attrick … The Breakfast Club – Fifty years later – the true tales of  six high school friends who still meet up for breakfast at their favorite hangout.

8. The Scapegoat’s Revenge by Carrie deCan … She was made a fool in school, but now her time has come. This tell all expose will blow your socks off as she reveals truths about her former classmates – now prominent citizens, politicians, and famous personalities. (Unauthorized)

9. Fields of Destiny by Krystal Ball … Before You Go – a manual every person who plans to go parachuting must read. Rules and regulations, waivers, forms, rip cord operation, jump positions and landings all explained.

10. The Long and the Short of It by Cyn Opsiss. … Subscribe to this monthly magazine now! The latest hair styles for men, women, and children shown in full color. Tips for home care of your hair, plus salon recommendations of products. Lots of first person success stories, and even some hair fails are featured.

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Thanks for visiting! Peace ☮️

© 2020 BS