Category Archives: LOCO LETTERS

Silly letters written to companies about their products.

Jinx Corner – NanoPoblano – Day 19

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NanoPoblano – Day 19

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https://cheerpeppers.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/why-blog-everyday-in-november/

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I’ve written a lot of ‘pretend’ letters to businesses, about things I’ve thought about.

Maybe you have wondered the same thing.

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LOCO LETTER # 4

JINX CORNER

Dear Jinx Corner,

What’s up with your location? Are you truly jinxed?

You do know that every single business that tries to set up operations on your plot of land does not not make it. They go out of business very quickly. What seems like a perfect location in your town, has you to contend with. There is plenty of traffic all around you, and all those stores are doing great. Lot’s of customers come to them, and they stay in business for years at that location. Yet, right next to them is you, Jinx Corner.

Anyone opening a store with you and your jinxy ways, do not make a profit at all. It doesn’t matter what type of storefront it is, or how many customers they have, either. It could be a restaurant, a clothing shop, a sports store, a computer store, or even one that sells mattresses…they all leave within a few months.

Do you enjoy running people off? Do you sit back in your obscurity, twirling your evil-doer mustache, gloating over another shop that bit the dust? Do you have relatives in other towns across the country? I’ve seen their handiwork in lots of places I’ve lived. There is a jinx corner in every town.

There is no use for the citizens to patronize these businesses, or get attatched to their products, because they know, after awhile, that the shops will vanish, and there will be a for sale sign going up really soon.

Townspeople should band together. Maybe they could put up a warning sign…stake it right into your concrete parking lot heart. “Do Not Open a Store Here – You Do Not Want to be on a Jinx Corner”, sounds about right, doesn’t it? How would you like that…not so funny now, is it?

That would be a good warning, and a lesson for you, Mr. Jinx Corner. Take heed…quit sabotaging new businesses…or else!

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Note: This was first posted in 2014, as Loco Letter # 4.

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Thanks for visiting! Peace }i{

© 2017 BS

 

CALENDAR CRAZE (calendar days)

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CALENDAR CRAZE (calendar days)

Here’s a re-post of one of my ‘Loco Letters’. I still go through this every year…maybe you do, too? 🙂

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LOCO LETTERS

It’s that time of year, again. The coming end of a year, when all the calendar companies come out with their new designs. I see them displayed in all the stores, from bookstores, discount stores, grocery stores, and even kiosks in the mall. Hundreds of calendars emblazoned with the numbers of the new year ahead. Here’s my loco letter to them…

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CALENDAR CRAZE (calendar daze) DSC00357 (2)

Dear Calendar Companies,

I love your calendars. Every one of them are bright, colorful, and oh, so helpful. I mean, how else would I know what the months and days are, if not for you.

The thing is, I have a problem. You may not think it is a big problem, and for you it isn’t. You can only benefit from my dilemma. You see, I like so many of your calendars, I have a really hard time choosing one to buy. I want them all.

I only need one, yet I wind up buying quite a few. It’s because the pictures of kitty cats, puppies, horses, and scenery are so pretty. Then, as I’m trying to choose, I see the trivia ones, then the joke-a-day ones, then the cartoon ones, then the ones based on all the television shows.

All of these come in different styles, too. The regular, hang on the wall types, in all sizes, the ones you put on a desk, and the small planner ones you can carry around. There is a calendar depicting every subject, and taste the buyer might want.

How are we supposed to choose? I stand there at the display, weighing one against another. Which one has the ‘prettiest flowers’, the ‘cutest cats’, the ‘funniest’ cartoons? It is impossible, I tell you.

Remember, I only need one, but in the end, I buy several. Then, at home, I try to find places to put them all…the kitchen, the bedroom, the office, the garage, the bathroom? (because, who doesn’t need to know when the next full moon occurs, while you’re -ahem- busy in there?)

All this calendar buying, I’ll admit, is good for your company, and I do enjoy looking/reading them. I suppose one way we can have an enjoyable experience in buying lots of them, is to give them as gifts to friends and family.

Then, what do you know…we can sit back and wait to receive more calendars…the ones they bought as a gift for us!

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Thanks for visiting ! Peace }i{

re-post © 2016 BS

WRITING 101 … REINVENT THE LETTER FORMAT

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WRITING 101 … REINVENT THE LETTER FORMAT # 9cropped-seal_v2-03

Today we were asked to write a letter. It could be to someone, something, humorous, satirical, or even a letter to ourselves…any way we wanted to do one. I’ve written quite a few already on here under the category Loco Letters, if you’d like to read more.

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LITTLE PINK

Dear Little Pink Baby Bonnet,

I’ve known you for awhile now. When I saw you, I knew I would treasure you, and keep you safe. You are so cute. I wish I knew your true life story, but I try to imagine what experiences you have had on the long road of the past, to have brought you to me.

You were a surprise to me, Little Pink. I had no idea you were hiding out in that old candy box. When I bought the box, at a yard sale, I knew there were old letters and trinkets in there…all of them antiques. Then, when I pushed back a small piece of yellowed tissue paper, I saw you. You had nestled there for many years, I’m sure, just waiting to be discovered.

Such a delicate little thing you are, all pink and lacy. There was a note wrapped up in the tissue paper along with you. It reads: “Little Cap – 1842 – Grandma’s brother Jimmie – the oldest of the family”

I’m thinking you were baby Jimmie’s little cap Did he like wearing you? He must have been born in the summertime, because you, Little Pink, are most likely a summery bonnet. Jimmie probably didn’t wear you very many times, as babies grow fast. Were you ever passed down to other babies in the family? I know you were loved very much, to have been kept for so very long.

I wonder what happened to your first family? Each one grew old, and passed away, while you lived on. Now, they are all gone, and you were set free to find another loving home and family.

My little ones are all grown up now, so you never got a chance to adorn their tiny heads, but I will keep you safe, until the day comes I’m no longer here. Then you’ll be set free again.

My wish for you, Little Pink ~ May you have another 163 years, to continue on in your travels, collecting more stories that should be told to future generations, and that you always be treasured.

With love,

Barbara

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Thanks for visiting! Peace }I{

LOCO LETTERS

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LOCO LETTERS

Loco Letters # 7

PAPER TOWEL PROBLEMS

Dear Paper Towel Companies,

What is up with those sections of your product that won’t tear off? When I want one single sheet of paper towel, I try to tear it off at the perforation, but it never works right. I’ve tried so many times, Sometimes, I pull off half the roll, and it goes bouncing off the cabinet, into the floor, unrolling a long streamer, as it goes merrily on it’s way. Other times, I think I have gotten it just right, but no…at the last second, a corner rips off all jagged looking. That just won’t do, you know?

I’m no perfectionist, lord knows, but why do these things happen, every time? After the one roll goes off on the floor, well, they can’t be used anywhere near the food in the kitchen. They are ok for mopping up spills, which is ok, but really, I have a regular mop for that. The ones with the corners torn off, are just frustrating, when I wanted a nice even square. I have to fold it over so I won’t see the damage…it really bugs me.

I’ve also noticed that on your packaging, there are no instructions on how to tear the sheets off, in a non-destructive way. I know…it’s just paper to be thrown away, after all, but for those few minutes I’m using them, I want them to be whole and clean. Most products in the world have some kind of use instructions on the package, even if it is as they say…a no brainer. I know…I’ve read them on everything.

There you are, telling us how awesome your paper towels are, how strong and durable, and how useful for so many wipe-up jobs. There is also, colorful graphics on the package, along with how many plies it has, how many sheets, how many square feet there are per roll, and a warning about the plastic wrapping suffocating someone. Couldn’t you put a few little words on there, letting us know how best to tear a sheet off the roll? Hey, you could even print it on the actual paper…I mean, you print all those pretty pictures all over the front of them. I think this is a good idea.

Well, maybe there are no rules about how to use your paper towels. Could it be that you the producer, have left it up to us, the consumer, to be smart enough to know how, on our own? Thank you for that, at least. We can manage to tear a sheet off, one way or another, however sloppy it looks. I’d just prefer a small hint of the correct way to do this.

So, Paper Towel Companies, do you think any of my suggestions will be a future possibility?

Thanking you in advance, and looking forward to your new designs!

Sincerely,

Miss Messy

LOCO LETTERS

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LOCO LETTERS

Loco Letters # 6

MAKE-UP MADNESS

Dear Make-up Companies,

I love to wear make-up. There, I’ve said it, and lots of women would agree with me, I’m sure.

This letter is just a general observation for you all. I’m not singling any specific one of you out, as for myself, I use make-up products from several companies, every day.

My question is…why do you feel you need to discontinue parts of your product line, from time to time? Let’s take, for example, eye-liners. You develop an awesome eye-liner. It sells all across the U.S. and possibly more countries, around the globe. It has sold very well for years. There is loyalty from the consumers of this particular eye-liner.

Then, one day, it is nowhere to be found; no stores have it for sale, anymore.

Why would you cancel a very popular product? Why would you not even give a warning, that it soon would be gone? Is that any way to treat your customers?

We then have to go through a process of finding another eye-liner that we like. We already know whatever we find, won’t be as good as the old one was. What we do, is buy another one from your product line. We try it…reject it. Then, we buy one from another company…try it, reject it. On and on it goes, until we finally settle for one, because, hey…we ‘need’ some eye-liner.

Then, maybe years later, the original company advertises that they have their awesome eye-liner, again. We get all excited that, yay, our old favorite is back. But, we look at the package. It says ‘new and improved formula’. It promises to be everything the old one was, and more.

So, we buy it, try it, and…what a letdown. It’s not that it’s bad, just different, and not in a good way. It has not been improved at all, and it isn’t the old stand-by, either.

I’m sure there will be plenty of buyers of this ‘new’ one, and possibly will become their favorite. They never used the first one, though.

Meanwhile, we are left disappointed with the quality, and regret all the money we’ve wasted, trying different ones. We even do a small rant, in our minds, every time we put on eye-liner, from whichever company we buy it from. You know how it goes…”Why? Just, why did you do it?”

I’d really like an explanation.

Sincerely,

Looking for Answers

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Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

LOCO LETTERS

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LOCO LETTERS

It’s that time of year, again. The coming end of a year, when all the calendar companies come out with their new designs. I see them displayed in all the stores, from bookstores, discount stores, grocery stores, and even kiosks in the mall. Hundreds of calendars emblazoned with the numbers of the new year ahead. Here’s my loco letter to them…

~

CALENDAR CRAZE (calendar daze)

Dear Calendar Companies,

I love your calendars. Every one of them are bright, colorful, and oh, so helpful. I mean, how else would I know what the months and days are, if not for you.

The thing is, I have a problem. You may not think it is a big problem, and for you it isn’t. You can only benefit from my dilemma. You see, I like so many of your calendars, I have a really hard time choosing one to buy. I want them all.

I only need one, yet I wind up buying quite a few. It’s because the pictures of kitty cats, puppies, horses, and scenery are so pretty. Then, as I’m trying to choose, I see the trivia ones, then the joke-a-day ones, then the cartoon ones, then the ones based on all the television shows.

All of these come in different styles, too. The regular, hang on the wall types, in all sizes, the ones you put on a desk, and the small planner ones you can carry around. There is a calendar depicting every subject, and taste the buyer might want.

How are we supposed to choose? I stand there at the display, weighing one against another. Which one has the ‘prettiest flowers’, the ‘cutest cats’, the ‘funniest’ cartoons? It is impossible, I tell you.

Remember, I only need one, but in the end, I buy several. Then, at home, I try to find places to put them all…the kitchen, the bedroom, the office, the garage, the bathroom? (because, who doesn’t need to know when the next full moon occurs, while you’re -ahem- busy in there?)

All this calendar buying, I’ll admit, is good for your company, and I do enjoy looking/reading them. I suppose one way we can have an enjoyable experience in buying lots of them, is to give them as gifts to friends and family.

Then, what do you know…we can sit back and wait to receive more calendars…the ones they bought as a gift for us!

Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

LOCO LETTERS

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LOCO LETTERS

LOCO LETTER # 4

JINX CORNER

Dear Jinx Corner,

What’s up with your location? Are you truly jinxed?

You do know that every single business that tries to set up operations on your plot of land does not not make it. They go out of business very quickly. What seems like a perfect location in your town, has you to contend with. There is plenty of traffic all around you, and all those stores are doing great. Lot’s of customers come to them, and they stay in business for years at that location. Yet, right next to them is you, Jinx Corner.

Anyone opening a store with you and your jinxy ways, do not make a profit at all. It doesn’t matter what type of storefront it is, or how many customers they have, either. It could be a restaurant, a clothing shop, a sports store, a computer store, or even one that sells mattresses…they all leave within a few months.

Do you enjoy running people off? Do you sit back in your obscurity, twirling your evil-doer mustache, gloating over another shop that bit the dust? Do you have relatives in other towns across the country? I’ve seen their handiwork in lots of places I’ve lived. There is a jinx corner in every town.

There is no use for the citizens to patronize these businesses, or get attatched to their products, because they know, after awhile, that the shops will  vanish, and there will be a for sale sign going up really soon.

Townspeople should band together. Maybe they could put up a warning sign…stake it right into your concrete parking lot heart. “Do Not Open a Store Here – You Do Not Want to be on a Jinx Corner”, sounds about right, doesn’t it? How would you like that…not so funny now, is it?

That would be a good warning, and a lesson for you, Mr. Jinx Corner. Take heed…quit sabotaging new businesses…or else!

LOCO LETTERS

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LOCO LETTERS

Loco Letter # 3

Dear Gravity:

What’s up with being so consistent all these eons?

Haven’t you heard the saying that goes something like this…’variety is the spice of life’? I don’t know who said that, in the first place, but it is pretty true.

Wouldn’t it be fun to vary your gravitational pull from time to time? It would be quite fun for us to never know if we’d be super heavy one day, and the next day be floating around from place to place, as we went about our business. What would be neat, is if someone invented a type of remote control a person could purchase, to wear on a belt. We could punch in whatever strength of gravity we wanted for the day. Any inventors out there want to give it a try?

I think I’d use mine a lot, mostly for making objects just hang out in mid-air. I’m always dropping things, and they just fall down, down, down, to the floor, and I’m scrabbling to catch it before it hits and breaks, or makes a big mess. Then I have to holler at it, cause it has caused me to have to bend down to pick it up or clean it up. This can happen many times a day, as I seem to have a case of the ‘butterfingers’. This way, if I could control gravity, it would just bob around in the air, making it easy for me to retrieve. It sure would be a time saver.

I’d also like for myself to be buoyant, because I tend to fall over, fall down, trip over my own feet, and generally be a klutz. I don’t enjoy that…it hurts, and as they say…what if I can’t get up? It would be great to set my remote control thing-a-ma-bob to half power, or float in air power. That would solve a lot of my problems.

There could be cute words on the device, with all kinds of apps you could add, for your own specific needs. So, gravity…and inventors…what do you say? Are we good to go with this idea?

 

 

LOCO LETTERS

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LOCO LETTERS

Loco Letter #2

 

Dear Grocery Stores:

What’s up with moving things around?

Do you like to confuse your customers? I pretty much shop at the same nearby grocery store all the time, as I’m sure most people do. I’m a regular shopper, and have come to recognize and exchange pleasantries with the employees. They do the same, as we see each other very frequently.

However, sometimes I go in to the store, and nothing is where I’m used to it being. Over night, it seems, there has been a rearranging of the grocery items. The aisles are completely different, and I have to search up one way, and down another, to find the bread, the coffee, or the canned goods.

Once, our store even split the long aisles into two sections each, then had to provide maps for their customers. They hung a map on each end of each aisle section, detailing where things were. They also handed out the map pages at the front door. Even then, people would have to ask for help finding things. It was a mess, for awhile. It was a bit like a treasure hunt, every time you’d go in there, but the treasure you were looking for was only toilet paper.

So, why do store owners think this is a good idea? Is it to make people walk all over the whole store – maybe to add extra items to their purchases? It may work a little bit, but from a customer’s point of view, it’s aggravating.

Do the owners ever ask for our opinions, suggestions, or feed-back? No, they don’t. Do we customers complain about it to the owners? No, we don’t. No, we only complain to the cashiers, baggers, and stockers, who have had nothing to do with the decision for the change up.

In the end, we get used to the new floor plan, the shelving combinations, and we get back into a familiar routine. We can eventually zip through the store with no problem…until another overnight, secret mission has taken place, with no warning. We walk in to a completely reorganized store.

Then the whole irritating process starts over. Ugh!

LOCO LETTERS

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Taking a break from the spooky ghost stories…more to come, later!

This is the first in a series of “Loco Letters” …letters I’d like to send to different companies concerning my thoughts on their products. I would not send these exact letters, but I have sent many in the past, to actual companies, telling them I like their product, and they may have been *ahem* a bit funny. I always received a very nice reply from them, including coupons for free items.

LOCO LETTER #1

Dear Bread Companies:

What is up with your plastic packaging? There is too much writing on them. The plastic is fine to keep your bread products in, until…dun, dun, dun…it goes all moldy. Yes, it does.

It’s hard to keep fresh in that plastic bag, with the twist-tie closure. However, with all the logos of your company, nutirition information, bright, bold colors, and  stating the fact that there is bread in there, it is too hard to actually ‘see’ the bread.

After consuming a few slices, you know, putting your possibly ‘not sterile clean hands’ in there, which has to be transferring germs, the further down slices do occasionally go moldy. You’ve seen it, I’m sure…it’s that ugly, blue-green color. Even if it is only on one slice, you can bet your bottom dollar, that mold spores are multiplying like crazy inside that bag. The spores are touching, growing, and infecting the whole lot of it. You may not see it yet, but it’s there.

I get mildly upset about it…mildly upset, that most of the loaf of bread is wasted…not actually flinging the whole mold encrusted bread bag across the room, but still…Ewww, gross!

The fact is, with all the package pretty much obscuring the bread inside, I just can’t tell if it’s molded, or not. I try, I really do, to see through any clear spots, but it’s no use. I still have to dump the remaining slices out, just to check for mold. That, of course, exposes it to even more germs that are floating around in the air, which would certainly love to land on a piece of bread, to begin their germy, devouring destruction of said bread.

My helpful solution to this aggravating problem is this – use clear bags, small lettering of your logo, and the ingredients label. You don’t have to tell us it is bread…we can see what it is in there. Another helpful hint…do away with those colored twist-ties used to close the package. I think they are some kind of secret code, anyway. To whom, I have no idea, as no one I know has any idea what they mean.

One last, reccomendation…use a ziplock or slider type closure. This would be so much easier. It wouldn’t be lost like a twist-tie, and I wouldn’t have to find a clothes-pin or chip-clip to fasten the package.

So, could you, a big important bread company, who values your customer’s satisfaction with your product, please make these few adjustments? I’d be so, so grateful, and I will keep buying your yummy bread. Otherwise, your bread is dead to me…I’ll buy from your competitors…that is if they consider these very same hints to improve their product line.

Sincerely,

A Loyal Customer (for many years, but am now fed up)